We all know the drill: the paper crown goes on, the tiny screwdriver gets tossed aside, and then comes the moment of truth—reading the notoriously awful joke tucked inside the cracker.

 

Here is a collection of some of the most classic, groan-inducing Christmas cracker jokes that families know and love. We've separated the traditional puns from the modern humour!

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Classic Christmas Cracker Puns

 

These are the tried-and-true jokes that have graced the holiday table for decades. Brace yourself for the predictable punchlines!

 

•Why did the turkey join the band? - Because it had the drumsticks!

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•What do you call an old snowman? - Water!

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•Why was the Christmas log so bad at its job? - It kept burning out!

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•What do you get if you cross a snowman with a vampire? - Frostbite!

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•What does Santa suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney? - Claustrophobia!

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•Why does Santa have three gardens? - So he can 'ho ho ho'!

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•What did the stamp say to the Christmas envelope? - "Stick with me and we'll go places!"

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Modern and 'Dad Joke' Delights

 

Sometimes, the modern jokes are just as painful, but often with a slightly more contemporary twist.

 

•What do you call a reindeer with no eyes? - I have no eye-deer!

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•Why are Christmas trees so bad at sewing? - They always drop their needles!

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•Who hides in the bakery at Christmas? - A mince spy!

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•What is the best Christmas present? - A broken drum—you just can't beat it!

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•Why was the turkey the lead suspect in the crime? - Because it looked a little fowl!